PARENTS ALSO LIE
Although this title sounds ugly, it is true. Parent lie. Some parents always lie. A fewer number of parents lie from time to time. There are rarely parents which never lie. And everybody negate it.
Why they do it and how their children experience that? In the next part, we'll tray to find at least a part of the answer.
Although every child feels against parents mixture of slightly jealousy ("Daddy, when I'll be so big as you are"?), amazing and unconditionally love, mostly of parents still succeed to before their puberty lose bigger part of their love, respect and trust.
What happens between you and those little chubby candy who at one time entered into your life so much joy and proud, so now there is an abyss appeared for almost 20 years and you became strangers an enemies to each other? Are really present children so bad that they have no respect and love inside, even their "creators" and are the parents alone carry a part of guilty?
Actually, who are parents?
What are the qualities and talents which stand out of majority of mortal beings?
What makes them so special?
You don't know, don't you?!
The reason are You - you as a their descendant contribute to they suddenly improve, get on respect, reputation, power. You, as their descendant, made your parents' life at the way they never could succeed alone. As their descendant and a Soul in search of yourself, you came with love in your heart, with joy in your eyes and with smile on the face, just like your parents once upon a time.
And what remained of that, how many gifts of the Sky you succeeded to keep, improve and expand and who is - except you alone, the most guilty for their possibly loss?
Parents present persons whose mental, cognitional, educational, emotional, spiritual...level can be very variegated and of different developmental level. They are beings whose in Egoland, through permanently struggle and competition with similar people, try to introduce and impose to the world own values and dreams, materially secure own family and realize as much as possible influence and reputation in society.
The others want the same.
Therefore, relations among people are inwroughted with, more or less, late-ntly conflicts and permanently fight for domination and power conquesting. All of that is transmitted on family.
Many times life attitudes, ideas, decisions, conceptions of your parents are disputed and rejected in this world, what cause that their Ego loss at self-respect and self-confidence, what leads to identity crisis. Therefore, family represent real little paradise on the earth, where their ideas, imagines, decisions and practice are always realized by compromise without impeachment.
Parents are unanimously proclaimed themselves as untouchable and unmistakable authorities and they are ready to defence that right "up to the last drop of blood".
Yours, of course.
Because of that, you, namely, control over you is very important for them.
Every expression of doubt or reassessment of their decisions and actions correctness, every activity in which you are rise to or in which you exceed their knowledge and capabilities, directly makes weak and makes fall that power. Very early, they your natural and unavoidable psychological development, start to experience as an attack and threating of their power, so for the purpose of prevention and slowing down of that process, they use insincerity, cunning, lie and physical force.
More lies and violences they use, your disappointment according to them is bigger because in some slight degree it is necessarlly. It starts with puberty, when inside you is getting awake capability of critical thinking and rating of their decisions and actions, and it finished with the end of that same puberty, when you are generally formed as a person.
All those practice for which correctness and adequacy was never allowed to be exposed to doubt, now are getting tested again and calibrated. Once upon a time a child, now a man, suddenly you become judge, who pares layer by layer so delusion and many times what remains, doesn't present a quite nice view. "The emperor is naked " you'll exclaim and after first wave of pleasure due to experienced truth and justice, you'll feel deep sadness and melancholy for gone childhood, which could be much happy. Without so much pain and suffer.
Even now, after all these years, there is still a pain of caused injustices, , irrationally and needlessly punishment, permanently degradation and all maltreating which you, with your 5, 10 or 15 years of life, couldn't deserve. You still missing never told jokes, never experienced hugs, never contributed modesty birthday gifts and the only, for you known way to heal that pain, the only , for you known way to correct their mistakes against you, is to become a parent alone. Better.
Now, while you watch smiled face of your baby and while during that reciprocally waves of love and proud fills you, be aware that this time, this story begins with you, your practice now (and in next 15 years) and their "judgement" to you through 20 years will mark your lives and define you further relation.
If you, because of conflict with your friends at work, with your arrival at home insult or degrade your 5 years (or 15 years) old child, as much as you feel bad (and it will be) and as much as you consider that stupid (we hope you don't), condescend for a moment at the child's level - squat down and at the most sincerely way tell him what you feel at that moment, excuse. Explain the reasons of your nervosity (as much as child can understand) and confess that you are wrong. Thereat, don't depriciate your child and use lies, cunning and bribery, as you do with adults. Although in a mental sense child is still undeveloped - or just because of that, the child is like a polygraph which feels without errors sincerity of your emotions.
Don't force your child for a hug and to insist to forgive you immediately, because depending of temperament, sometimes child need some time to "digest" your apology. Let him to make a choice, so if you even forget about it, child wont - he will come alone to forgive you.
Wherewith begin to walk and begin to speak, and show interest for ongoings at family, include him in activities and works which you exercise inside and outside house, but only those parts which are entirely safe for the kid. Since kid's concentration is still weak, that weak many times will not last to long, so don't be angry, but let him to be included by own conception.
At the end of the day, when all of you are gathered and when you comment daily events, mention also kid's personal contribution - as much it is modest, don't making "performance" of that, because the kid will think that you tease him and he will feel unpleasantly.
Although it not seems to you like this,this has a big weight for kid's emotional development, because "equally" participation in family charges makes stronger personal self-respect and send of accepting by the whole family, instead of feeling of "someone who disturb", who making nervous all people around.
Inasmuch you don't accept him, the street will accept him.
Don't be shame in front of your children because of your own weaknesses and lacks, but be what you are: vulnerably human being who has incredibly need for Love. Be happy if your children are more successfully and more clever than you, because in some slight degree it is one of the tasks you accepted as a parent.
With their birth, you accepted the obligation, pleasure and privilege.
You have obligation to care about their health, education and general development according to your capabilities.
You have a pleasure to enjoy in their first clumsy steps in a world, to make laugh when they are happy, to mourn when they aren't and to enjoy when you see in what kind of healthy and beauty people they grown.
What about privilege?!
Oh, yes. You have a privilege to love them and to that love be rendered by their side.
Make an effort, as a parent, to not issue a kid's pain you once was.
I love you.